Oink.

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I thought the days of being called names, laughed at or visually compared to an animal were left behind when I left school. Now here I am, eight years later suffering the same verbal and mental abuse all over again. And just last month somebody anonymously messaged  me on Tumblr  asking me to get a nose job.

Since the age of about eleven, I have been made aware that I’m not all that to look at face-on. But I grew and I learned to accept the fact that there is nothing I can do about it. But it in no way reflects my personality. If I walked around every day being mean to people or being selfish or hurting others then I would understand and accept I am an ugly person. But I’m not an ugly person.

Luckily for me, when I was a teenager at the peak of my self awareness and zero self esteem, I was clever enough to understand that school is just like that, kids don’t understand or care as much.

So all of a sudden all these hang ups that I’ve had to carry around since day, are brought back to the surface in the most embarassing and esteem-destroying ways. And all that confidence that I worked so hard to build up gets torn right down again.

The world is so obsessed with external appearance that not one of us (unless we have reached complete enlightenment) cannot start every day without feeling even just a tad self-conscious.

Is my hair OK? Do I have a fat ass? I have a big nose. I have spots (or even just a spot). I’m too fat. I’m too thin. I have hairy arms. I’m ugly.

The list of personal hang-ups is of course endless, but they are created by the external reality around us and people’s obsession with image. What even is image? It’s just a reflection in our  external reality. Why don’t people think more about our internal reality; the brain; the mind? Because that’s where we really exist.

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