Materialist Guilt


I find my own stupidity astounding sometimes. Inside my head I am fully aware of what is right and wrong. But not only that, on my quest to find inner peace, I am beginning to learn some hard lessons about life and the path to inner peace.

For about four months now I have been filled with a senseless longing to own a tablet, or some form of device that will make my writing and blogging life easier than it is on my iPhone. Originally I was set on the Surface RT, imminently drawn in the flashy, colourful keyboard attachment and its enchanting ‘click’ sound.

My dad has said he would try to get me one for my birthday in June, if his finances could allow it.

I continued to research the market and also went to PC World to get a feel for the Surface. Didn’t like it much when I got there. And it was most definitely overpriced. But then none of the others appealed to me either, except for the ultra swanky convertible laptops, starting from about £900 (with the lamest battery life I ever saw, might I add).

Anyway, at the risk of this turning into a tablet review, to cut a long story short my dad couldn’t get me a tablet for my birthday. Instead though, he got me one of the most thoughtful gifts ever; a HAMMOCK from Spain whilst he was on holiday. I was quite shocked that he knew me that well. As far as to actually purchase me one, anyway.

Had nowhere to hang it, until yesterday when he decided to take a trip to Ikea to complete the gift and buy me a stand for it. It’s now in the garden, swinging carefree in the surprising 2013 summer we are enjoying.

Well, as I sat there swinging in the glorious sunshine, reading a book and feeling the heat on my skin, I felt a feeling of pure… satisfaction? Well, it was peace is what it was. Real inner peace.

So what did I go and do? I went out and bought a Surface when the sun had gone in. I wanted to complete the most perfect day, by swinging in my hammock with the tablet I’d longed for for so long. Even though I now had  damn HAMMOCK.

I mean, how stupid can on person be? Not only that, I feel so hugely guilty to my dad now, after he made so much effort rigging up the hammock and buying it in the first place. I feel like giving him the tablet, because I think he likes it more than I do anyway.

I’m a prick. But last night I learned my lesson. It was as if Soc was with me, telling me I’ve learned a hard lesson today.

It wasn’t enough that my iPhone screen smashed, no. I still didn’t learn the lesson to enjoy what I do have and not think about what I don’t.

But damn, now I have a hammock and a tablet. A tablet with a keyboard and office. If I don’t make use out of this infernal machine, writing-wise, I really don’t know what is next for me.


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