Once again the demon of procrastination has embedded itself into my being, writhing at my fingertips, convincing me that creativity exists but only as an impervious venture.
Through its relentless clutches I’ve yet again withdrawn from writing, or even drafting. Not one word has reached the paper (or screen) in the past six weeks or more, and I’m left feeling oppressed, indisposed and unfulfilled.
Or, I’ve just been a lazy twat again. Either way, my Hippy Van has been neglected, as has my poor cerebrum.
So where has this hippy been? Fighting the crime of injustice in the streets of LC? Standing up for human rights at various protests across the country? Offering my spare time to aid those less fortunate…?
Alas, I’m afraid to admit, only within the confines of my mind-computer. Another way to describe it would be in my daydreams. But I’m confident my self-discernment will allow me to progress sooner rather than later. Though one could argue that’s been my hope for quite some time now.
But I do have some things to bring to the table, which I’ve engaged in during my time AWOL. Bare with me, as I think when such activities/experiences finally evolve to their destined fruition, my absence will have been felicitous and righteous.
So, you gorgeous strangers who have given your precious time to read this, here are 5 constructive things I’ve done in the past 5 weeks:
1. Stopped smoking weed
Byebye smokey laundry day :(
That’s right, I finally broke up with Mary Jane. I’m clean 4 weeks yesterday and some of that misty, nebulous mind-fog is starting to clear. Replaced by an incandescent gleam, one that I’d almost forgotten could exist.
Don’t get me wrong, Mary Jane is the one true love of my life and I miss her dearly everyday…. but for now at least, I have to steer clear. SKUNK bares too much restriction upon the intellectual capacity (and I did miss that part of myself). Also, it was neccessary to clear my head for a while in preparation of number 2, which is…
2. Done training for volunteering
It took a few weeks to complete, but hopefully from next week I’ll be spending my two spare days a week helping ‘disengaged’ youngsters gain some qualifications and self belief. To be honest, I am struggling as to whether I’ll be able to support them fully with entering the ‘world of work’, since I’m so disillusioned by the entire system… but my greatest intention is to instill some confidence and self belief into them. Make them remember (or in some cases, realise) that they have worth. That the world is a place they can fit in and be accepted, despite what (fucked up) past issues may have contributed to their lack of self worth.
3. Rebuilt the bridges with my BFF
The Yin to my Yang, we fell apart a little since 2015 hit. But neither of us really left each other, and now we’re stronger than we ever were. And I can finally function again.
4. Revealed my darkest, lifelong secret
To my BFF, the only person I’ve ever divulged this information to. And what a huge weight off my shoulders… to sum up, some bad shit happened when I was very young that I repressed for almost 25 years. Now I feel I can breathe far easier.
5. Almost reached level 32 in Destiny
OK, so the last one isn’t that constructive (depending on your perspective)… but I have met some great new people within the social spaces, improved my confidence making new friends and unlocked some awesome new gear… which I’m extremely grateful for.
Of course, the PS4 merely serves as a distraction from the despondency that I felt was my life… rather than let lame reality encroach me any further, I made an impulse purchase and immersed myself within a virtual reality… but then, who says what is ‘reality’, anyway?
I’m pleased to say, just writing this has created a fresh perspective on my ‘life’… deep breath in, equally deep breath out.
Namaste, and peace to you all. ✌:)